As a father, your child will automatically admire you, imitate you, and listen closely to your every word. They will take it all to their heart.
When you say something about them, they will believe it is true.
This applies to the words that start your sentences, and the words that end them. This includes the words you say to other people.
It is very important that we work to avoid attaching negative labels to our sons and daughters.
Common Mistakes Fathers Make
Our children make mistakes. It is our role and responsibility to point out some of those mistakes.
Sometimes it is best if we let someone else, or even the universe itself, point out the mistake to our child. I will talk about that at a different time.
But I want to address today the words we say to and about our child.
It is important to them that we show them their error without calling them a name or belittling them.
That is, we need to talk about the mistake, and not about our child.
Some examples:
Your child brings home a bad grade from school.
Wrong response: What are you, stupid? Only an idiot would get this grade. Do you want to be a failure?
Right response: This is a bad grade. I believe you can do better than this. It seems like you made some poor choices about how you spend your time.
It is important that we talk to our child in a way that shows them the truth about life: one grade or one choice does not define them forever. And that their effort, and how they choose to study and use their time, is what will really determine their success in the future.
But when we invent a worst-case situation, we are the one speaking a negative future int coexistence for our child.
Your child does something rude in public
Wrong response: [Loudly] That was really rude, get back here and act like you’ve got some sense.
Right response: [Privately] When you talked back to that woman, it was disrespectful. How can you make it right?
Often when we correct our children out loud in front of others, we are really not parenting, we are defending ourselves. This is especially true when our children are rude to others.
Correcting them loudly in front of others makes it harder for them to correct their behavior by making it harder for them to WANT to correct it.
A private conversation reduces their embarrassment, reinforces your values because they are YOUR values, not the other person’s, and allows you to help them understand. A child simply can’t pay attention to everything and remember all the rules. Most mistakes they make are because they were off in their own imagination.
It is okay for them to make mistakes. But it is important that we fathers help them correct the mistakes.
Are there other common situations you are not sure how to handle? Let us know and we will try to point you in the right direction.
Our children will hear our words in their minds forever. It is important that those words speak to their bright future, their strengths, and their ability to improve and grow over time.
This way we set them up for the best possible future.
